Self-censorship is the act of censoring or classifying one’s own blog, book, film, or other forms of media. This is done out of fear of, or deference to, the sensibilities or preferences (actual or perceived) of others and without overt pressure from any specific party or institution of authority. Self-censorship is often practiced by film producers, film directors, publishers, news anchors, journalists, musicians, and other kinds of authors including individuals who use social media. ~https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-censorship

To write, or not to write…to post, or not to post. At this moment I currently have around 25 Blog posts sitting in my “Drafts” section of the dashboard. For those not aware the “dashboard” is where I get to design and control what is on my web page and how it looks. Now the question is…WHY?

For me I think it’s a matter of being judged and/or offending someone (normally so called family members). I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, I am going to piss someone off…

It has even gone so far that I take pause and censor myself on social media. Not wanting to post anything personal because while these people (i.e.family members) don’t actually talk to me, they seem to think that they know me. But trust me, unless you are in my everyday life you do not know me. You only know what I allow you to know. So this has brought me to the point of doing away with my personal Facebook for the time being, “taking a break”. Finding this the FB site seems to give the most access to me. I will still interact with all of you through Instagram and Twitter because they tend to be more friendly mediums. While I know this will be hard, I like most people am completely addicted to scrolling through posts. Now I have decided to use this platform (my website) as my outlet to express myself. Up till now I have kept it safe and non-personal, just adding tidbits to try and humanize a recipe or a book review. At least here it is the choice of each individual visitor to read, or not to read. No unwanted posts popping up and throwing your mood off. The choice is yours.
Anyway, back to the self-censorship…I am notorious for keeping my mouth shut. Self-proclaimed queen of the “smile & nod”; which I have perfected so well over the years that when I do finally break and speak my mind it leaves me broken and second guessing myself even though I know I am the one that has been disregarded, disrespected, wronged, & and pretty much just not even given thought to. This has been an ongoing battle through my life. I am definitely on the bottom rung in my family. I have allowed these people back in my heart time time & time again. The more chances I give though the less respect I deserve. I have continually allowed them to disrespect me setting the standard that I will just forget or forgive.
Well no more! From here on out I am going to interject all of my personal views, and my apparent unpopular opinions on how I see life. This will encompass everything from my marriage to my family. Nothing is off limits! No more holding back! Now I am fully aware that this is going to give even more fuel to the fire. At least here what I say, or don’t say is in black and white, no room for interpretation. No reason to read between the lines; I don’t do “passive aggressive” what I say is what I mean. Now I plan on saying it and just being me!
I hope you stick with me on this journey, because its going to be quite a ride!
~Heather